And then I started to think about my regrets. Maybe because I was a little upset, but I found about 4 things I was mad at myself for either doing or not. Thinking of the past I thought of my pathetic self not being able to express my thoughts and wishes; I thought of the powerless me being unable to protect what I thought important at that time. Most of them are things I did not because I chose not to because I was too much of a coward to face the consequences, or too powerless to shoulder the consequences. But then I thought of the present, I had a look at all those moments as being a third party not involved in what happened to my life, and all those moments, they were all moments I could not do without.
Failing to protect a friendship you cherish at 15 because your friend's parents blame you for their kid's actions in front of your parents seemed to me as something I should have at least went through just to make sure to remember of all the other dissapointments. Failing to speak your mind because you have to maintain the perfect image of the student who is the pride of the family, that is not that bad either. I mean nobody is ever going to pay so much attention to you after that, even if you wished for it. Not being able to tell your first love your feelings because you do not want to turn into strangers after a couple of years, that is still fine because you have learnt to understand and respect the feelings of others.
Actually, I do not believe in regrets; there are just lessons that get engraved in your mind so that you know how to keep close to you what you cherish the most. People, including me, tend to fight for they think they want but sometimes they end up forgetting what they really need. While they think that they have lost what they want, they keep dreaming of how wonderful it would have been to have had it so they regret a few things. I think that is only a temporary stage until they understand that in the end they only got what they needed, so in the end, it never was a regret, instead it was a lesson, or at most a precious memory.
Failing to protect a friendship you cherish at 15 is just a lesson in life that friends will come and go, but only few will stick to you. Failing to speak your mind is just a lesson to endure and wait for the right moment to say what you need to say. Not being able to tell your feeling is just a lesson that it takes time and effort to convey what you feel to someone dear to you.
It is ok if you did not like the lesson because it was bitter. It might also take a little time for your to learn something from it. What's more important is that you actually know it, because there will surely be a second time when it comes in handy.
Today's song is "Growing Pain" from Cherry Cold. Thanks to Kromanized for the lyrics translation.
Though my eyes look
at you, I can’t see you
Though my lips call you,
you can’t hear me
Though my heart wants
you, you can’t feel it
Though my everything looks
for you, you’re not there
I’ve never learned about love but
why are these feelings coming
to me? It hurts so much that I
can’t handle it so I can’t go to you
Though my heart wants
you, you can’t feel it
Though my everything looks
for you, you’re not there
I’ve never learned about love but
why are these feelings coming
to me? It hurts so much that I can’t
handle it so I can’t go to you
I want you and hope for you
but I can’t have you
I try to change love into
goodbye but my heart…
I’ve never learned about love but
why are these feelings coming
to me? It hurts so much that I can’t
handle it so I can’t go to you
I can’t take this anymore, why has
this kind of pain come to me?
I think I’ll be like this for a while,
my wings are cut up because of you
I think I’ll be like this for a while
I think I’ll be like this for a while
I think I’ll be like this for a while
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