February 25, 2014

"At 18, we fell, liked...

cried, ran away, knelt down. 

We turned our backs from each other.

Despite that, at 18, we...

ran towards each other, held each other's hands...

we hugged with all our might. 

We can fall down again. 

And maybe we could kneel again. 

But we...

Despite that, we...

go straight." 

                           The Heirs

Maybe because many things did not go the way I wanted them to, they did not flow the way I dreamt them to, I always tried to forget my teen years. Do not missunderstand me, I do not have any regrets, and I believe what I tried to forget was what made me stronger. Watching "The Heirs" though, I remembered all of it; I relived all of it: the happy face of being praised by who you admire, the sad face of being scolded or stabbed in the back, the cold mornings without sleep because it seemed as the world would end the next day. 

At 18, I fell too, and it hurt, and then I tried to run away because it hurt or knelt down to make it hurt less. At 18, I liked too, I turned my back to some, and I was shown the back of others; I hugged and wished to be hugged back. Most of all, it is true that I went straight. Those are all things I forgot though and only have a diary to remember. 

At 20, at 21 or even after though, I felt them all over again as I went straight. Back then though, I remember every single moment, every single tear, every single smile, every tiny bit of warmth of a goodbye or helo hug. I think I remember because I was happy, or because there were happier moments back then than before that. I remember maybe because I was fed up of forgeting sad moments, and I started to only remember the good ones. Nevertheless, at 18, it is not my favorite time of my life. Not to me. What came after that though, it surely is. And what comes after after that is the best time of my life, because it is what I am living now. I am still learning. I get stuck sometimes. I make two steps forward and three steps back sometimes. But I do not worry about it that much now because what I cannot realise tomorrow, there is still the day after tomorrow as long as I give it my all. 

Having realised that, for once today I will be making a step at a time and get back on my feet slowly so that I make sure I do not forget a single moment, a single feeling, a single dance, song or scolding that comes along the way. 

Today's song is "Here for you" of Big Daddy Driver. Hope you enjoy!